Tormented by Myers-Briggs – A tale of an INFP / INFJ

I’m a huge fan of Myers-Briggs and believe that it is a powerful and insightful tool to provide direction for people in their careers and to help people understand the work style of others.  I have even been thinking about becoming certified myself.  I have taken the official test twice, the first time, as a Freshman in College, and then a second time a few years ago.  In College I ended up with an INFP and then more recently an INFJ.  Though I’m not too far over on one side except for Feeling.

The challenge for me has been obsessing over my type.  The irony is that as an INFP and an INFJ, I am always searching for meaning in my life and searching for a meaningful career.  Given my personality type and the fact that I am always searching for meaning, means that by brooding over the INFP and INFJ descriptions, it has only added fuel to my fire and validated my request to keep searching.  I am a unique INFP/INFJ as I have worked in business for about 9 years in many Sales, Sales Operations, & Marketing roles. I even worked as a Real Estate agent at one time, which has often been quoted as the the #1 worst positions for an INFP/INFJ.  Let’s just say that it didn’t last very long!  I was even most recently working at a software company in a role devoted to special projects and technical issues.  One of my Consultants photo copied some info. on INFJ for me, (oh yes, it’s bad; I have worked with more then 1 over the past few years), and the book even indicated that INFJ’s (and p’s) rarely go into the Business and even more difficult is technical fields.  Unfortunately, I combined them.  Yikes!  Let’s just say it was challenging.

Clearly, I am able to work in business, and I have enjoyed many aspects of business, however, I have often struggled with my business career, and believed that I would never truly be successful in it because I wasn’t ‘meant to do it’.  To understand it better, one needs to  really dig into motivation.  Often in business, the areas that motivated me were in roles where I was very independent and where I felt like I had an important role.  I was motivated by helping my colleagues, working on a variety of projects with colleagues encompassing a common goal that mattered, caring about Client needs, researching and understanding dynamic environments, and solving problems that mattered.  Also, I have always worked with a variety of people and even though I am introverted, people rarely if ever think that I am when they meet me at work.  For an INFP/INFJ, I am fairly balanced, I guess.

However, I have really been neglecting my creative/investigative side.  Hence, starting this blog and other endeavors.  Now, I am at that point where I am really trying to hone in on my niche.  Hey, I’m in my 30′s, and it’s about time.  I recently transitioned out of a career at a great company, and have been working on my own start up business.  However, I have been questioning it.  This time my motivation is centered around having a certain lifestyle where I have more freedom.  I have this long term vision where the business would allow for a certain flexible lifestyle, where I could ultimately focus on writing, adventures, and the marketing aspects of the business.  The company is a reseller of eco friendly products in a niche industry and drop ship them, so once the levers are set up, it would be more hands off.  I always thought it would be cool to be the quintessential Renaissance Guy and be successful in business and be successful in the Creative / Humanities world.

However, for me content is huge and the risks are just scary!  I have already put a lot of time and money into it, and most of the work is centered around the operations behind securing and selling the products, and ultimately the science behind competing with the big players in the industry.  So it comes down to Business technical.  Also, to make it in business, you have to be driven by the goal to make the business Big!  That in and of itself scares me which is counter-intuitive to success.  So, I am at a crossroads, and today racked my brains to determine whether I put the brakes on this business, (realize the sunk cost of over $5k, cancel all of the monthly recurring payments for such things as the payment gateway, the online business plan, Quickbooks, and the like, and move on.  The positive outcome, is that I could spin off a new type of business where I focus on a few blogs and then leverage affiliate marketing and display advertising for some revenue.  Then maybe pick up some Development type work where I can help others, or anything that benefits the “Social” side of the INFP / INFJ personality type.  Need to figure out how to pay the bills while doing what I enjoy.  Got to keep moving.  Tell us about your Myers-Briggs struggles?

A look at Promiscuity: Men, Women and Selection

Please add your comments!

The question posed:  Are women and men equally promiscuous?  Are women just better at hiding it?  This is an incredibly complex question, and I am in no means providing any kind of answer here, but rather posting some comments and opening up the discussion.

While Men are often labeled as less trust worthy, more apt to cheat, and sometimes as “Dogs,” it does take 2.  Let’s face it, if you look across the spectrum of all Men, they simply do not have the selection ability that women have.  Therefore, how does selection and choices impact promiscuity?  Are more women having sex in terms of overall numbers whereas, a smaller segment of men are able to engage, and therefore this more concentrated group of men helps to promote the “the dog” phenomenon.  A bold question would be, are women actually primed to be more promiscuous because they have a better selection of men, whereas men have less choice and therefore just must capitalize on any opportunity afforded?  In addition, Men must typically be very assertive in order to meet women and ask for opportunities to mate, and that perhaps this assertive nature is also what gives men the bad rap.  Women who are labeled inappropriate names; is that really because they simply are not discreet and therefore approach more men?  For example, a shy quiet woman who is very sexual compared to an outgoing woman who talks about sex a lot may be labeled quite differently.

Consider a scenario;  a sort of condensed test lab – a singles event.  Let’s say at a singles event, for simplicity, there are 20 men and 20 women who attend.  3 of the men are considered “sketchy,” and far from ideal mates, and have no opportunity of taking anyone home.  Poor guys.  3 additional men, would otherwise have had the opportunity last year, but due to losing a job are now stuck back at home with the parents, and therefore are deemed less then ideal.  1 guy ate a handful of red onions the day before and generally stinks.  He is instantly out of the running.  That leaves 13 potentials.  The competition is fierce.  (If you’ve ever been to one of these, it’s a strange dynamic of flying pheromones, strange bee dance like maneuvers, and friendly demeanor’s with an underlying competitive vibe, like a Walrus beach during mating season).

Now, if you look at this as a spectrum, you have the sketchy dudes and onion guy on one extreme and then on the other extreme is the Alpha Male outgoing type who exudes confidence, is clever & cunning, is a natural comedian, can dance, and is all around outgoing and fun.  He also is tall and has the chiseled look.  While he is what many of the women are attracted to, and what many of the other guys aspire to be, he also may skew the scales of sex and promiscuity.  He becomes the poster boy of “the sexual male.”  Interestingly enough, even the “sketchy Dudes” may be labeled as perversely sexual given their vibes, and often receive a bad rap due to their quirky nature and lower sex appeal.  Even though they are having little sex!  Then you have the “Talkers” the in-betweeners who are in the normal distribution, and who utilize their sociability and talking etiquette to get the job done.

On the other side of the room, we have the ladies, and the perspective is much different.  The reason I spend a few hundred words on the men, is that it matters more in terms of selection.  With the women, virtually all of them have the ability to pick up a mate on their terms. They have a far greater choice.  Much less pressure and they can often line up sex when they want it.  They can be more discreet by the fact that they have a more fluid timeline and may be able to hide the sexual signs easier.   They can be more aloof.

What does this mean?  Does it mean that sexual encounters and promiscuity is able to dilute throughout a higher volume of women (over a more flexible timeline), whereas it becomes more concentrated for men and therefore more noticeable?  Not to mention that Men must be typically more assertive.  Therefore men are labeled more promiscuous (and must therefore possess a greater degree of infidelity).  Is sex is more “diluted” for women then for men?  In other words there is a greater volume of women engaging in sex and able to partake on their timeline without the pressure that men have.   We can coin a new term:  “Sexual dilution.”

I could go on, but I’ve already gone over 500.

What do you think?